"...если они не зарегистрированы, а живут в гражданском браке..."

ok?

Гражда́нский бра́к или светский брак — брачный союз, зарегистрированный и оформленный в соответствующих органах государственной власти^[1]. Гражданский брак порождает юридические права и обязанности оформивших его лиц — супругов, в том числе и в случае расторжения брака, потери супругом трудоспособности, наследования в случае смерти супруга и др.

(я конечно понимаю, что лингвисты пищат от восторга при малейших изменениях языка и призывают признавать их, ибо язык - живой организм, но вот с гражданским браком я не могу.

@темы: glee, the diagnosis is... butthurt, ну и ветер сегодня

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только я так могу: нытье про нытье

В редкие моменты просвета в депрессии я часто понимаю, насколько депрессия, на самом деле, защищает и дает комфорт.
В моменты просвета я особенно остро ощущаю дикое одиночество.
Я тут копалась в своем общении с близкими и поняла, что мы говорим только о моих псих проблемах.
Я уже ни друзей, ни незнакомых людей вообще ничем не могу заинтересовать, я не вдохновляю никого, и вы не представляете, как это страшно.
Я регулярно чувствую себя как Джоуи в той серии, где ему продали один том энциклопедии. Для тех, кто Друзей не смотрел: Джоуи - неудачливый актер, почти не получивший даже школьного образования, и к примеру когда он хотел отказаться от своей итальянской фамилии и выбрать себе псевдоним, Чендлер предложил ему сценическое имя Джозеф Сталин, и Джоуи не знал, кто это. В итоге талантливый "продажник" впихнул ему 1 том (ибо на все у Джоуи не было денег), чтобы тот мог хоть когда-то понимать, о чем говорят его друзья.

Короче, многие ноют что они - the ugly friend, но я себя чувствую the stupid friend.
При этом ок, да, я не читаю художественную литературу, ну что делать, я не воспринимаю мир через -слова-, видимо.
Но не то чтобы я была какой-то особенно глупой, да и с каких пор это важно, у глупых тоже есть друзья!(Не комментируйте эту часть, пост не для того чтобы мне сказали "нет, ты умная", я не напрашиваюсь на комплименты) У меня очень много интересов, но.. я не столько -постоянно чувствую, что ничего не знаю- (хотя это тоже бывает), но со мной никто. ничего. не. обсуждает. Я регулярно пытаюсь заводить какие-то беседы, но по ответу чувствую, что люди это уже где-то обсудили и они выдают мне короткий конечный итог той беседы, и у меня опускаются руки.
В общем, у меня ощущение дикой интеллектуальной и творческой несостоятельности (ибо со мной никто ничего не хочет делать, хотя основная часть моих друзей - творческие люди... зачем я вам вообще?..), и я не знаю, что с этим делать. Причем оно только усиливается общением с друзьями, потому что видимо за годы депрессии на мой умственный потенциал просто плюнули и ушли искать умных разговоров и вдохновения где-то еще. И в те редкие моменты, когда я выплываю из сериалов и фанфикшена, вокруг меня


Я в полном замешательстве и не знаю, что с этим делать. Как снова заинтересовать собой людей? То есть мне да, морально помогают очень сильно, и это мне очень важно, но при этом я все равно чувствую себя никчемной и каким-то charity case.
У меня такая же фигня уже много лет в ЖЖ, в дайри и прочих соц сетях. Я делаю всё, чтобы мой блог был интересным, но при этом люди как-то.. есть, но они молчат, не проявляются, не комментируют.

Не молчите, если есть, что сказать!
я понимаю, что это сильно противоречит предыдущим стихотворным постам, но всё же

UPD
Не сказала главное.
У меня появилось подозрение, что я часто ною (и, следовательно, мне часто плохо), т.к. это единственный способ получить внимание.
И когда нытье прекращается и мне хорошо и я хочу делиться идеями, я внезапно упираюсь в стену, т.к. все идеи, все вдохновение - уже у других.
Это, не побоюсь этого слова, дико больно.

@темы: нытье

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ну в общем я искал-искал и НАШЕЛ поэта на данный жизненный отрезок

Здесь отвратительные жабы
В густую падают траву.
Когда б не смерть, то никогда бы
Мне не узнать, что я живу.

Вам до меня какое дело,
Земная жизнь и красота?
А та напомнить мне сумела,
Кто я и кто моя мечта.

*~*~*

В самом себе, как змей, таясь,
Вокруг себя, как плющ, виясь,—
Я подымаюсь над собою:

Себя хочу, к себе лечу,
Крылами темными плещу,
Расширенными над водою;

И, как испуганный орел,
Вернувшись, больше не нашел
Гнезда, сорвавшегося в бездну,—

Омоюсь молнии огнем
И, заклиная тяжкий гром,
В холодном облаке исчезну!

*~*~*

В морозном воздухе растаял легкий дым,
И я, печальною свободою томим,

Хотел бы вознестись в холодном, тихом гимне,
Исчезнуть навсегда, но суждено идти мне

По снежной улице, в вечерний этот час
Собачий слышен лай и запад не погас

И попадаются прохожие навстречу...
Не говори со мной! Что я тебе отвечу?

@темы: poetry, quotes, на сегодня хватит с вас, соблазн сделать шрифт комик санс невероятен

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@темы: фотография, поехали!, утверждается, что это Луна так, как она реально выглядит, без атмосферного -фильтра-

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что же такое НАУЧНАЯ теория?

Не путайте с теорией в общепринятом смысле.

@темы: yeah, science!, если я еще раз от умного человека услышу "эволюция - всего лишь теория"...

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Smoking Doesn't Just Hurt Your Body — It Also Hurts Your Brain

Add this to the rap sheet of smoking cigarettes: The longtime foe of optimal health may not only be hurting our bodies, but going after our brains as well. A new study published in the scientific journal Molecular Psychiatry suggests that smoking cigarettes physically taxes the brain by breaking down the cortex, its outer layer, over time. The cortex plays a role in how we think, solve mathematical problems, stay attentive, and even learn languages. The science: Your brain's cortex naturally thins as you get older, but smoking may speed that process up. Though past studies have linked smoking to a loss of mental acuity, this is one of the first to delve into how it might change the actual structure of the brain."If you had a choice between affecting your cortex and not affecting your cortex, I would choose not affecting it," Dr. Sherif Karama, a psychiatrist at McGill University in Canada who led the observational study, told Mic. The research indicates that even though the thinning effect may be reversible, it can take anywhere from a few weeks after a person quits smoking to 25 years, depending on how much a person has smoked over their lifetime."One of the surprises was how widespread the effect was," Karama said. The thinning affected large portions of the brain, he explained, not just isolated spots.

The yellow portions of the brain show the spots where people who never smoked had a thicker cortex than than people who were current smokersSource: Molecular Psychiatry/Karama et al.

The orange and yellow shows the regions where ex smokers have a thicker cortex than their current smokers in the study do.Source: Molecular Psychiatry/Karama et al

The orange parts of the image show parts of the brain where non-smokers had a thicker cortex than ex-smokersSource: Molecular Psychiatry/Karama et al

The study: The researchers took advantage of a large dataset that came from the 1947 Scottish Mental Survey, a government initiative with the goal of testing the cognitive ability of children over time. By recruiting 504 men and women (smokers, ex-smokers and non-smokers) who participated in the survey as children, the researchers could paint a better picture of how smoking might have affected their brain as adults. The team then interviewed each adult to test their cognitive ability once again, and collected brain scans to analyze and compare.There was a very distinct pattern in the pictures. "What we have observed is that in old age, the current smokers had the thinnest cortex, those that never smoked had the thickest cortex, and ex -smokers were in between these two groups in terms of thickness. This was interpreted as suggesting accelerated thinning," said Karama.The researchers don't know exactly why this happens but they do have a few hunches. One theory is that because smoking affects our lung capacity, it slows down how much oxygen gets to the brain, which might explain the cognitive decline and thinner cortex.Another theory asks the age-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Perhaps people who develop a smoking habit may naturally have a thinner cortex to begin with. If that's the case, then developing an extremely thin cortex around the brain might predate smoking rather than follow it, the researchers explain in their study.

Why this matters: Karama notes that one of the tricky parts about getting a smoker to quit is convincing them why it's important. Another reason is the length of time it takes before the negative side effects of smoking start to become apparent to the average smoker. In Canada, the government has gone to gruesome lengths to dissuade smokers, even printing diseased and tumorous lungs on packages, but the efforts seem to be futile. Even in the U.S., ad campaigns have taken to shaming celebrities into giving up the habit by spreading photos of them in the act. But since the negative effects of smoking often set in later in life smokers tend to carry the attitude of "smoke now, worry later." Even though the study is observational, the researchers were meticulous in their data collection and analysis. Even just the possibility that stopping could reverse smoking-related-thinning should serve as a strong incentive for a smoker to quit. Just something to think about on your next smoke break.

@темы: социальное, yeah, science!, eat your greens!, псих, ликвидация безграмотности

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@темы: фотография

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X.

В игольчатых чумных бокалах Мы пьём наважденье причин, Касаемся крючьями малых, Как лёгкая смерть, величин. И там, где сцепились бирюльки, Ребёнок молчанье хранит, Большая вселенная в люльке У маленькой вечности спит.

XI.

И я выхожу из пространства В запущенный сад величин, И мнимое рву постоянство И самосознанье причин. И твой, бесконечность, учебник Читаю один, без людей — Безлиственный, дикий лечебник, Задачник огромных корней.

@темы: poetry

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13.02.2015 в 21:41

Пишет  danaRia:

CRIMSON PEAK Trailer #1 (2015)

ссылка

@темы: шоб позырить, из всех искусств для нас важнейшим...

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13.02.2015 в 21:10

Пишет  Св.:

вот как-то так








(Утырено)

@темы: гиф, armitag

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www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/endre-penova...

@темы: акварель, зверики, живопись

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Why Men Are Killing Themselves

By Finlay Young / February 12, 2015
www.newsweek.com/2015/02/20/suicide-men-305913....

“Today’s the day I’m going to kill myself,” said David Durston. “You wake up and think, yeah, I’ll kill myself today. It’s today.” He sat in front of cheerful primary-coloured walls describing the darkness of his worst mornings. The Solace Centre for adults with mental illness, a low-slung bungalow in Ealing, west London, is a sanctuary for those with troubled minds – troubled in the mind-filling, heart-emptying way that can lead people like David, a softly spoken 55-year-old, to wake up feeling that this day could be his last.

He isn’t alone in the struggle. Across Europe, men are around four times more likely to die by suicide than women. More men in the UK have died by suicide in the past year than all British soldiers fighting in all wars since 1945. According to the latest figures from the Office for National Statistics, what they categorise somewhat obliquely as “intentional self harm or events of undetermined intent” account for over 1% of all deaths, killing three times more people than road accidents, more than leukaemia, more than all infectious and parasitic diseases combined. More than 6,000 people in the UK died by suicide in 2013; 78% of them were men.

These numbers are the aggregate of thousands upon thousands of unique untold stories, of men who didn’t make it. David, who works at a local garage but lives alone, is one of the many thousands more who struggle not to join them. “One day I’m great, I’m terrific,” he told me, left hand rummaging in the palm of his right. “The next, I’m low, I’m thinking of suicide, about the ways that I can die.”

To fully understand suicide would require the impossible – to know what the dead were thinking. It is an act that precludes the testimony of the only witness who really matters. Notes are only left in around a quarter of cases, but sometimes there are clues to be found in the online detritus of young lives ended too early. In most of his YouTube videos, Brett Robertshaw has headphones on, head bobbing rhythmically, fingers flashing up and down the fretboard of his bass guitar. His talent had gained him a following; some of these videos attracted 40,000 views. One is different. In it he sits in front of the camera – a red-haired, matter-of-fact boy. He’s shy and serious, quietly answering questions from his online following.

On his Ask.fm page, while Brett’s written responses to questions about his life from other users are generally funny, sharp and acerbic, a few give pause.

Question: “What was the last lie you told?”

Brett: “I’m OK.”

Question: “Your (sic) in your own movie are you the good guy or the bad guy? and why?”

Brett: “I’m the extra, because fuck that shit.”

Brett wrote over 7,500 tweets in less than three years. Most are digital snippets quite typical of a young male life, but there were also infrequent, intense bursts of sadness and resignation. Struggles to sleep. Anger and isolation. Alcohol as a coping mechanism. On 14 May 2014, unbeknown to family and friends, Brett began to draft a long and eloquent message for his personal website. It began: “The truth is, if this post is live, then chances are, I’m probably not here any more.”

He described a life “void of all emotions except sadness and worry”, fixated on worst-case scenarios and low on self-esteem. He wrote of “friendships” with inverted commas. His guitar playing was, he wrote, “just something that passed the time a bit”. Compliments only made him feel worse. When he finally sought treatment, worry about the appointments prevented him sleeping, while antidepressants made him feel nauseous. His conclusion was heartbreaking in its self-condemnation. “It’s entirely my own fault, and only my own lack of willpower and strength of mind is to blame.” On 5 July, the summer day when he ended his life at his home in Blackpool, Brett Robertshaw was still only 21 years old. One week later the explanatory message he had drafted over the previous months automatically posted to his website.

The Suicide Gene

Is it ever possible to pinpoint before it’s too late those, like Brett, at risk of suicide? Dr Zachary Kaminsky, assistant professor of Psychiatry and Behavioural Science at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, is at the forefront of efforts to identify what has colloquially been termed a “suicide gene”. “Stress is like driving,” Kaminsky says. “You can drive really fast, and that can be useful, but you have to be able to slow down.” His team compared brains of those who died by suicide and those who didn’t. They had an inkling that for those who died by suicide, a gene called SKA2 might be, in effect, acting as a faulty brake pad, failing to control stress.

By looking at just this single gene, Kaminsky’s team was able to predict with 80-90% accuracy whether an individual in their research group had thoughts of suicide or had made an attempt. More research is needed, but signs are positive that in the future a simple blood test may provide at least some indication of suicide risk. Whether SKA2 could also shed light on gender differences in suicide is not yet clear. “It is linked with the cortisol system and this system does interact with the oestrogen system,” mused Kaminsky, “so I suppose it’s possible”.

>>>> European Suicide Lithuania has the highest suicide rate in Europe.

Others, such as professor Rory O’Connor, a psychologist at Glasgow University, who was recently elected President of the International Academy of Suicide Research, are extremely wary of the idea that there is some magic “suicide gene” to find. “It’s just a vulnerability factor, a test will never tell us why, he said. “It’s more important we identify the social and environmental factors.”

In Glasgow, where O’Connor is based, those from the poorest areas are 10 times more at risk than those from the richest. Research published in the British Medical Journal in 2013 showed that during the 2008 recession, English regions with the largest rise in unemployment had the largest increase in suicides. However, as O’Connor tells me, “the conundrum is that most people who die from suicide are in work”. Similarly, while mental illness is a very significant risk factor – as many as 90% of suicides occur in the context of mental illness – in O’Connor’s view, “it’s not ultimately the reason people kill themselves”.

Most academics think the answer to this complex “why” question is a combination of numerous different risk factors and negative life events that can push vulnerable people over the edge. Muddling the question further is a puzzle that has intrigued researchers for generations: it is true that men are much more likely than women to die by suicide, by a factor as high as six in countries with the highest overall rates. However, it is equally true that women are around three times more likely to make an attempt. This difference is normally attributed to method; men are more likely than women to choose high-lethality means, such as hanging. This begs a sensitive question: when is a suicide attempt not, in fact, an attempt to die?

An Honourable Death

Clinical psychologist Dr Martin Seager, a consultant for the Central London branch of the Samaritans whose work focuses on male psychology, traces the paradox back to gender. “Women are, in general, more prepared to seek help and show their distress. A female attempt is often closer to a cry for help, hoping for a response.” Typically, the male is seeking a different outcome. According to Seager, “when he makes a suicide attempt, he doesn’t want anyone to hear it, he wants to succeed”. He compares the action to a soldier “seeking an honourable death”.

Suicide jumped up the political agenda in early 2015 when the deputy prime minister Nick Clegg called for an overhaul of how the UK’s National Health Service tackles suicide. He proposed the widespread adoption of a “zero suicides” approach, following a campaign by The Henry Ford Health System, a healthcare provider based in Detroit, Michigan, which decreased the rate of suicide in its patient population by 75% in its first four years. The strategy, which has already inspired a similar approach in Merseyside, includes training all staff in suicide prevention, developing a system for staff to check in with patients by phone, and assigning patients different levels of risk and accompanying protocols. In the past two years, not a single suicide has been recorded at the Henry Ford Health System.

However, a whole country and a seemingly endless list of possible risk factors is more difficult to deal with. “It can feel overwhelming, like you are trying to chase the world,” Alana Atkinson, project manager for Scotland’s Anti-Suicide Initiative says. Yet Scotland, a country that has historically suffered higher rates of suicide than the rest of the UK, shows that a strategic, comprehensive approach can have some effect.

In 2002, following the release of a report, The Sadness of Young Men, detailing Scotland’s disproportionately high male suicide rate, the Scottish government announced its intention to reduce suicide by 20% in the space of 10 years. When 2013 came around, rates were down by 19%. The country’s Choose Life strategy focused on local coordination. A suicide prevention coordinator was nominated in each area, while funding to all local authorities for suicide prevention was protected. Improving the frontline response, raising awareness and tackling stigma, so that people felt more able broach the issue of suicide with their own families, was vital in reducing the rate.

The most important breakthrough was to make suicide part of the national conversation, but talking about problems often seems more difficult for men. The motley old crew at The Shed, in a community centre at the bottom of a housing estate in London’s Camden, were children of the post-war years. “You have a more domestically-oriented quiet masculinity,” Kings College historian Lucy Delap told me of that period. “Nazi masculinity was extreme and violent, whereas to be a British man was to be a quiet, restrained, self–controlled man emotionally.”

The Baby Boomers

The denizens of the Camden Shed are more comfortable working shoulder to shoulder than talking face to face, with The Shed recreating the habit and environment of their former, all-male workplaces. They break at lunchtime, have a brief chat. But then it’s back to work. Any therapeutic element is hidden under a heavy layer of sawdust, glue, sweat, and the sound of machines.

The idea behind the The Shed, a movement that started in Australia, is that older men, who slip quietly into loneliness, need a place to go to be with other men. Suicide rates among men over 55 have risen by 12% in the last decade in the UK. A 2012 Samaritans report identified isolation, unemployment, and lack of communication as particularly relevant risk factors for this age group. Men suffer more from social isolation in old age, and it’s predicted that the percentage of older men living alone will increase by 65% over the next 15 years as more men begin to outlive their partners. “Nobody comes to The Shed for the declared reason,” said Chris, a rakish 72-year-old jobbing actor in jeans and suede slip-ons. “It’s set up to address solitariness, but you won’t find people saying they are coming for that reason.” It’s therapy that dare not speak its name.

Kenneth padded over in an apron, a cerebral white-bearded former ceramic artist in baggy moss-green pantaloons. For him, a sense of changing masculinity is linked with war. “Think historically about the division of labour, the type of society, what you needed men to do. You can’t nurture a sensitive man if you need a war weapon.”

There’s a lot of gruff compassion in the strong, silent collective at The Shed. Raymond is a former dentist who lost his short-term memory after being struck by lightning on the golf course. Mick, a twinkle-eyed former carpenter, reached over to remove a large wood splinter from close to his friend’s eye. “You see, that’s right in your fucking eye you idiot. You’ve got to take care.” These men are retired and in many ways inured from the pressures of social change. Statistics suggest it is the next generation down, those in middle age, for whom we should worry the most.

The suicide rate for men aged 45-59 has increased by around 40% in a decade, but there’s more to it than that. If you log the age-disaggregated number of male suicides in England and Wales over the last 30 years into a table, something extraordinary becomes clear. In 1987, those aged 20-24 had the highest number of suicides. Five years on, in 1992, it was that same group, now aged 25-29. The pattern continues through 1997, 2002, 2007 then into 2012, when reaching the 45-49 bracket this cohort once again accounted for the highest number of suicides. This suggests that these late baby-boomers born between 1963-1967 have carried the highest risk of suicide with them from their teens all the way to middle age. The question is why?

The Samaritans’s 2012 report Men, Suicide and Society suggests that men in middle age should be considered part of a “buffer generation” caught between two competing ideas of masculinity. Like those older men at The Shed, like their own fathers, this generation is still wrapped up in the male ideal as stoical, independent breadwinner. However, the shifting standards of the modern world often make meeting these expectations impossible.

Figures from the Office for National Statistics show the average age a man divorces in the UK is now 45. This buffer generation was setting up home in a brave new era for the institution of marriage. Increasing numbers of women in the workplace, and corresponding individual pension funds, meant that increasing numbers of women had the option to leave. Many did; the divorce rate exploded from the late 1970s onwards, and only began to drop off again in the mid-2000s.

The effect of relationship breakdown can be catastrophic, with most research indicating that men are affected far worse than women. The Samaritans report found that “men in mid-life are dependent primarily on female partners for emotional support”. While women maintain their independent relationships, male friendships tend to drop away after the age of 30. Suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts were three times higher among divorced men, and two times higher among separated men compared to married.

Generation Bro

What of the younger generation? Last year, Vice.com published an article on “the young British douchebag” (YBD), which followed a spate of American articles on the existence of the US rough equivalent, the so-called “bro”. Despite increased engagement with consumption and demonstrating a more metrosexual concern for his appearance that would have been unacceptable during earlier generations of masculinity, writer John Saward described the YBD thus: “He is a walking scorched-earth policy. He takes what he wants to satisfy some hedonistic impulse, and then he leaves her sobbing in a hallway with her friend on the other line. He wrings every moment of every drop of novelty. He is doing shots and never with a chaser, because moderation and restraint are for women and faggots and children. The only way to be a real man is to be a real man as ferociously as humanly possible. He goes all-in . . . ”

A response to this article defended the YBD as “a neutered generation lacking in role models, limping from the shadows of predecessors, who defined themselves by the wars they fought, the things they made and the fields they tilled”. It seems the fact that a man moisturises, or shaves his chest, or even wears eye-shadow, does not mean he will be any better at discussing or dealing with difficult emotions. Core masculine values endure. Suicide is the leading cause of death for men aged 20-34, accounting for more than a quarter of all deaths in this age group.

Surveying the research on male experience of mental health seems to support the view that masculinity is costing lives. Men access GP surgeries less than women. They are more reluctant to seek professional help for mental health issues, generally doing so only when crisis has already hit. Furthermore, according to a 2013 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, lower rates of depression diagnosis among men may be because symptoms of depression that accord with notions of masculinity are not recognised as such. As one psychologist told me, “with men, we don’t even diagnose it as depression, we call it aggression or bad behaviour. Often getting drunk, or even violent . . . it’s just another symptom”.

The Talking Cure

Stephen Hoddell of the Bristol branch of the Samaritans, who in his 40 years as a volunteer has perhaps conducted more conversations with struggling men than anyone else, suggested to me that help “is just not a language men are comfortable using”. However, the Samaritans phone-lines that he mans are almost 50% taken up with male callers. Those of the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM), an organisation set up specifically for men, cannot keep up with demand. “Men will talk, do talk, want to talk,” said CALM Director Jane Powell, “but they do find it hard to talk to mates and wives about stuff, because the cultural pressures are very rigid”.

Dr Martin Seager at the central London Samaritans sees a danger in approaches to help men that, in essence, tell them to act more like women. For Seager, the core of the problem with that approach is that it goes against evolutionary biology. “The way I look at it, if men have evolved as fathers, protectors and survivors, they are going to feel life is worth living to the extent they can provide and protect.” In his view, the problem comes when the world changes and men are no longer able to fulfil this traditional role.

With this subtle change of emphasis, the whole question of how best to address male suicide is subsumed by a deeper ideological battle – one that strikes at the very heart of what it means to be a man. Mike Buchanan, 58, is founder of the world’s first political party for men’s human rights, Justice for Men & Boys (and the women who love them). He is also a prolific self-publishing author of volumes including David and Goliatha and Feminism: The Ugly Truth. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with traditional masculinity, absolutely zero wrong with it,” he said. “I think that idea is batshit insane.”

Buchanan and others prominent in the online “manosphere”, where he has developed a following, are generally “essentialists”, believing male and female behaviour is predominantly biologically determined, rather than the product of social influences. From this point of view, the problem lies not with stoicism or other elements of traditional masculinity, but with their dilution in what Buchanan believes is a “gynocentric world . . . run to pander to the wants and needs of women all along the way”. This perspective is blunt: the rise of women has triggered the fall of men.

Most feminists reject the idea that increasing gender equality needs to be such a zero-sum game, but many do concede that increased equality for the sexes has presented certain difficulties for men. “Feminism has brought up a lot of challenges for men in terms of reflecting on position,” said

Dr Victoria Robinson, director of the Centre of Gender Research at the University of Sheffield. “However, we don’t often hear from men or listen to men’s voices, and that is absolutely vital.

If feminism is viewed as only for women, then we’re responsible for that.”

Whatever the theories, those suffering with mental health problems, vulnerable men and women alike, often struggle to make their voices heard. In November, David and the other members of the Solace Centre in Ealing received bad news. Ealing council, struggling to slice over £90m pounds from its budget, was considering this facility, with its four staff and £150,000 of annual running costs, for closure. Scared of losing a centre they consider their lifeline, the members started a campaign. A website was quickly built, piles of signs were constructed. They lobbied councillors and pounded the local streets, gathering over 1,600 petition signatures.

Then, in early January, with the council’s final decision still in the balance, one of the male members stepped under a train at nearby Ealing Broadway station. It felt like a defeat for everyone. “I was surprised to hear, very surprised, because when I last talked to him, he was happy,” said David. “But somebody told me it’s like that sometimes. They feel better because they know they are going to die.”

@темы: социальное, псих

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Всё, я кажется сформулировала, как должна выглядеть моя идеальная повседневная жизнь:
1. репетирование ролей
2. разведение сада на лоджии
3. разучивание вальсов на фортепиано

Ну, вектор задан. Будем работать.

PS.

Вопрос: Что лучше всего поставить на лоджии?

1. Повесить качели аля скамейка		1	(11.11%)
2. Кресла-качели		4	(44.44%)
3. Кресло-качалка		2	(22.22%)
4. Гамак		1	(11.11%)
5. Не выпендривайся, это будут пластиковые стулья из Икеи, дай бог с подушками.		1	(11.11%)
Всего:		9

@темы: прокрастинация, Arbeit macht frei, профессий много, но прекрасней всех..., hour of the wolf thoughts, дрим да дрим, personal place, я имею в виду НЕ диван-качели, кстати, а именно как скамейка

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Download Stevie Nicks Edge Of Seventeen for free from pleer.com

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Rosie Reviews: Fifty Shades of Grey

Rosie Waterland expected the whole movie to be a bit of a cheesy laugh. Instead she walked out of the cinema on the verge of tears.
Read more at www.mamamia.com.au/rogue/fifty-shades-of-grey-r...

I walked into the premiere screening of Fifty Shades of Grey last night planning to walk out with a bunch of ridiculous and funny material that would lead to a hilarious recap. Instead, I walked out of the cinema on the verge of tears.

I’m really, really sorry you guys. I know I made a big deal yesterday about how I was going to write a ‘totes-hilare’ review. I obnoxiously posted pics from the red carpet and tweeted in all caps at the first sighting of pubes.

But I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I went into this film thinking it would be two hours of B-grade hilarity about bondage that I could make fun of. It was actually two hours of incredibly disturbing content about an emotionally abusive relationship that left me really, really shaken.

And now I’m embarrassed that I ever joked about it.

I haven’t read any of the Fifty Shades books, so I went into last night’s screening cold. I think that was the problem. The phenomenon has only ever been on the periphery of my care-factor zone. I honestly thought the story was just about a young, sexually inexperienced woman, who meets a slightly older, extremely sexually experienced man, and he teaches her everything she needs to know in three books of clit-tingling sex-scenes.

It was my understanding that the sex was BDSM-themed, which, with my limited knowledge of that stuff, I assumed included some tying up of hands and slapping on the bum and… I don’t know – blindfolds?

I thought the books were all about kinky, slightly naughty sex. Sex that mixed pleasure with a bit of pain and made housewives around the world read the book with one hand free. And I’m all about women pleasuring themselves, so other than thinking I was glad some sexually-repressed women were getting their rocks off, I didn’t really give it much more thought.

I had heard the rumblings from domestic violence groups wanting people to boycott the film, but with limited understanding of the story, I assumed that was because it involved a woman being physically harmed by a man during sex. And my opinion was, well, if they’re two consenting adults, and being tied up and slapped is their thing, then what’s the big deal?

But I had no idea that Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t just about the sex. It’s also about an incredibly disturbing and manipulative emotionally abusive relationship.

So, about half an hour into last night’s screening, I found myself doing a horrified double-take. I quite suddenly realised that I was watching a film that glorified domestic abuse.

The relationship between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele is one of the most fucked up and upsetting I’ve ever seen portrayed on the big screen.

And let me be clear to the women who are incredibly defensive of the book that gave them a sexual awakening: When I talk about domestic abuse, I’m not talking about the sex.

In fact, I considered the sex to be the least offensive part of the movie. Christian’s ‘playroom’ was everything I had hoped for comedy-wise – it looked like the home you imagine the gimp from Pulp Fiction would go home to at the end of the day. He tied up Anastasia and they did lots of sexy things with whips and feathers and her pleasure seemed just as important as his, which is refreshing for a blockbuster film.

But let’s take the sex out of the equation for a minute. Because as I was sitting in that cinema last night, I was completely floored by what I was watching. And by what millions of women had accepted as a relationship to aspire to.

Christian meets Anna. He is immediately obsessed with her. He figures out where she works and turns up there unannounced. He tracks her phone one night and confronts her on the street. He even lets himself into her home, and shocks her by walking into her bedroom while she’s alone.

When they start dating, he immediately puts himself in a position of complete control. He plays with her emotions and confuses her by doing things like tenderly kissing her, then pushing her away. He refuses to share a bed with her after they sleep together. She is in tears about the way he treats her within a few days. She finds herself staring longingly at couples who seem to be happy and affectionate with one another.

He buys her a computer so he can contact her whenever he wants. He sells her car and provides her with one that he approves of, all without asking her. He tells her that she’s not allowed to tell anybody about what goes on between the two of them, or it’s over, essentially isolating her from friends and family.

He says that she must dress in clothes that he chooses. She must go to a doctor that he chooses, and take the contraceptive that he chooses. She must eat what he chooses. She’s not allowed to drink to excess. He tells her that it is her job to please him, and that if she doesn’t keep him happy to his exact specifications, it’s over.

When he finds out that she has scheduled a trip to her mother’s house in another state without asking him, he is furious. He throws her over his shoulder and screams, “YOU ARE MINE. ALL MINE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

By this point, Christian has complete control of Anna. He dictates when they see each other, how affectionate they are with each other and who Anna is allowed to talk to and spend time with. Her friends and family can tell that she’s unhappy.

But above all, Anna is confused. Whenever she tries to reach out to Christian, she doesn’t know if he’s going to be receptive or ice-cold. He’s inconsistent, and, desperate to hang on to the few moments that he’s nice to her, that inconsistency keeps Anna under his control. She seems to think that if she stays, if she just keeps trying, she’ll figure out how to make him happy and he’ll stop treating her so badly.

Anna is smack-bang in the middle of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Now, take all of what I just described, and add some BDSM sex. Then, take all the conditions Christian placed on Anna, and frame them in the context of an ‘official BDSM contract’ that he made her sign.

That is how this movie makes domestic abuse seem okay. It’s emotional abuse disguised as a ‘naughty sex contract’. It’s domestic violence dressed up as sexy fantasy.

And it’s a genius, subtle move. Putting this kind of controlling, emotionally abusive relationship in the context of a sexy billionaire who just needs to be loved, makes it ridiculously easy to convince audiences the world over that this kind of behaviour is okay. He’s not some poor drunk with a mullet, hitting his wife for not doing the dishes. Christian is classy. Rich. Educated. He’s not what most women imagine an abuser to be, and his kind of abuse is not what most women would immediately recognise.

Not to mention, the combination of emotional abuse and sexual bondage means anybody who says they find the message in the story disturbing can be reduced to a ‘prude’, or accused of not understanding what BDSM involves. The blurred lines in this film mean any kind discussion about abuse can be easily shut down by those determined to be obtuse because they like the sexy blindfolds.

But there is no doubt in my mind that the film I watched last night was a disturbing and clear depiction of a controlling and emotionally abusive relationship. This was domestic violence. I don’t care how many women learned to embrace sex because of Fifty Shades of Grey. THIS WAS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

I was somewhat heartened when the film ended with Anna deciding her limits had been pushed too far. She leaves Christian and is clear that she doesn’t want him to follow. Then I found out that she goes back to him, and spends the next two books in the same emotional and manipulative turmoil. She spends the next two books clinging to the good moments they have together, hoping that eventually the good will outweigh the bad. Hoping that one day she’ll figure out how to make him happy, so he won’t need to keep treating her badly. Hoping that if she just… keeps… trying…

This was domestic abuse marketed as Valentine’s Day fun. That’s why I nearly cried. And that’s why I couldn’t write a funny recap.

I’m embarrassed that I ever thought I could.

@темы: из всех искусств для нас важнейшим..., псих

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“Here’s the truth: friendships between women are often the deepest and most profound love stories, but they are often discussed as if they are ancillary, “bonus” relationships to the truly important ones. Women’s friendships outlast jobs, parents, husbands, boyfriends, lovers, and sometimes children…it’s possible to transcend the limits of your skin in a friendship…This kind of friendship is not a frivolous connection, a supplementary relationship to the ones we’re taught and told are primary – spouses, children, parents. It is love…Support, salvation, transformation, life: this is what women give to one another when they are true friends, soul friends”
— Emily Rapp

@темы: quotes, хаха у меня нет тэга для друзей?...

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@темы: зверики

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Исследование: короткий сон днем компенсирует последствия бессонной ночи

Ученые выяснили, что короткий дневной отдых после тяжелой бессонной ночи поможет привести в норму гормональный фон организма и значительно улучшить самочувствие человека. Статья об исследовании была опубликована в Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism .

Ученые провели эксперименты на 11 добровольцах. После ночного сна, ограниченного двумя часами, у испытуемых наблюдалось увеличение уровня норадреналина в крови (примерно в 2,5 раза), а также повышение уровня интерлейкина-6. Норадреналин вырабатывается организмом в стрессовых ситуациях, при шоке, кровопотере, ожогах, нервном перенапряжении. Интерлейкин-6 стимулирует иммунный ответ, мобилизует энергию, которая приводит к повышению температуры тела.

Два получасовых перерыва на сон после такой ночи возвращали все показатели организма в норму. Исследователи утверждают, что результаты их работы следует взять на заметку всем страдающим от недосыпа людям.

@темы: yeah, science!, псих

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Это моя любимая рецензия на свете. Фильм Jupiter Ascending.

Here’s the thing about JUPITER ASCENDING, literally the greatest movie ever made. Is it “good,” or is it, more probably, garbage? I really don’t have the capacity to say. I’m not Saint Roger Ebert, olav hasholem, over here. I took one film class and it was about whether real stuff is, like, real, or is there even such a thing as, like, really real, man, you know?? (There isn’t. I got an A.) I’m not here to tell you if it is good. I am only a woman with eyes and ears and joy centers in my brain. Here is what I will tell you. Look at my icon. As daeontherun so rightly pointed out, my icon was both of our faces for the ENTIRE DURATION of this movie.



Do you need to know any more than that? Do you need to know any more than that you will be flooded with pure, innocent delight for two hours? Here is my feeling about this movie: it is your garbage. It is garbage for you. “Is this how straight dudes feel at the movies all the time????” I hissed at daeontherun SEVERAL times during this movie. “Like someone carefully noted down your early pubescent fantasies and then threw 100 MILLION DOLLARS at them?”

I would describe this feeling as, like, a combination of arousal, joy, and fond knowing chagrin. “Oh you,” you find yourself thinking at Jupiter Ascending as shirtless Channing Tatum gruffly but torturedly checks his weaponry, while Sean Bean voiceover rumbles in his beautiful Northern growl about how tortured and loyal shirtless Channing Tatum is and how he needs his PACK. Ten seconds before this, Channing Tatum and Sean Bean were sexily punching each other while yelling about their emotions. “You know what I like, you crazy beautiful bastard,” you say to Jupiter Ascending, shaking your head fondly. Mila Kunis wakes up in a beautiful dress, blinking slowly with her long gorgeous lashes. “Feel my skin,” naked Tuppence Middleton purrs at her [REDACTED 4 SPOILERS]’s clone, Mila Kunis, gently caressing her bare arm. Gugu Mbatha-Raw stands over Channing Tatum and sexily taunts him. There is a 20 minute Henson-evoking sequence about [REDACTED 4 SPOILERS BUT TRUST ME THAT IT’S AMAZING]. Eddie Redmayne flutters an elegant hand around while hoarsely gasping out sociopathic, vaguely incestuous promises in a fucking SEQUIN TITS OUT DRESSING GOWN with ARM WINGS in his EVIL SPACE CATHEDRAL THRONE ROOM!!!! “DO U LIKE DIS?” Jupiter Ascending asks, glancing shyly at you. “I MAKED IT.” “Of course I like it,” you say, overcome by joy and wonder, kissing Jupiter Ascending on the forehead. “I’ve never liked anything this much, and I love you more than anyone in the whole world.” I don’t want to be controversial, but if I had to choose between Jupiter Ascending and Citizen Kane I would immediately travel back in time, murder Orson Welles, and walk away whistling. I would cheerfully burn the entire Criterion Collection to the ground for this movie. Go see Jupiter Ascending. You’re welcome.

[x] sashayed.tumblr.com/post/110444647320/heres-the...

@темы: из всех искусств для нас важнейшим...